Those Mini Plaques

When you walk into a novelty or gift shop you are bound to come face to face with dozens of mini-plaques, made of plastic, containing humorous as well as religious verses. Many also contain sentences which seem at the moment to be humorous but in reality to me are rather degrading to the Amish or the Pennsylvania Dutch custom of speaking. Therefore, I have refrained from using any of these plaques in this column. I have broken down my list into various classes. First religious, second humorous and miscellaneous. I will start first by 'Bless this mess'. I get a kick out of the next one—'Love thy neighbor but don't get caught'. This is good advice both ways. 'I like work. I can sit at it for hours and it doesn't bother me one bit', or 'When I works, I works hard. When I sits I sits loose and when I thinks, I falls asleep'. Maybe I could add—'My work is so secret that I don't know what I'm writing'. Perhaps you have heard 'My mind is already made up-don't confuse me with facts'. 'Yes, things could get worse—you could have my job'. If you like plaques about smiles you might find 'Around here, we need all the smiles we can get' or, 'If you see someone without a smile, give him one of yours'. The one I like is 'Keep smiling, it will make people wonder what You have been up to'. P.S. I tried it and it works.

If you like plaques on the religious side, you might find 'God made the Irish number one', followed by 'God so loved the world that he did not send a delegation or committee'. I found two others which read 'O' Lord, help my words to be gracious and tender today for tomorrow I may have to eat them'. The next one was 'God did not create woman from man's head that he should command her nor from his feet that she should be his slave, but, walk bebind me, I may not lead Don't walk in front of me as I may not follow Just walk beside me and be my friend'.

If you like those that refer to the home, how about 'A home should be clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy', or 'Bless this house—each. brick and rafter. May there always be good health and laughter'. I like these two—'Come in and set down, relax. Our house doesn't always look like this—Sometimes it's even worse', and 'Home sweet home is where you can scratch where it itches'.

You can find dozens of plaques that can apply to any occasion. For instance 'The world is like a fruit cake—it would not be complete without a few nuts like you and me'. 'The trouble with some people is that they won't admit their faults. I'd admit mine—if I had any'.

Here is one on dreams—'When I was a kid I dreamed of the day when I'd be earning the salary I'm now starving on'. Good advice might be applied to 'Put sugar in what you say and salt on what you hear', or, "Life is like a piano, what you get out of it depends upon how you play it'. 'Be certain your brain is in gear before you engage your mouth'. I've heard people say 'I'd enjoy the day more if it started later'. I found one on marriage—'There is a lot to be said about marriage. You have the rest of your life to hear about it'.

I am certain we all have heard the old quotation 'A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush'. I saw one to go along with it—'A bird in the bush usually has a friend with him'.

I found several that have reference to wives. 'The four saddest words ever composed are 'This is my wife'. Another is 'Behind every successful man stands a woman telling him he is wrong'. The most famous quotes from a wife 'I run things around this house, the vacuum cleaner, washing machine, dish washer, the ironer and my husband'. Some men have this philosophy—'I would rather live single than have a wife who would want to wear my britches'.

You can give a toast to your friends 'May you be in heaven a half hour before the devil knows you are dead'. I have heard many times the first part of the next plaque but not the second half—'There is no fool like an old fool but, you can't beat experience'.

The next one is rather humorous but old—I consider the day a total loss if I don't catch hell about something'. You might follow up by saying 'Cheer up—things could get much worse'. In small lettering below was 'I cheered up and sure enough things did get worse'. Therefore the next one to follow was 'I need all the compliments I can get—I may embarrass easily but I love it'.

I just discovered a receipt for keeping one's youth. 'The only way you can stay young is to live honestly, eat sensibly, work hard, worship regularly and lie about your age'. If you don't follow this advice then 'Nobody understands us crabby people, especially when we are over 65. I am told that forbidden fruit is responsible for many a bad jam'.

I will end this bit of foolish comments by 'Please be patient, God isn't finished with me yet'.