Antique Jive

Through the years we have all heard and have learned to use many expressions daily without giving much thought to the correct grammar or how they might sound to others not familiar with our 'slang' way of saying what we want to say.

For instance we find it 'hard to remember names'. Maybe we are 'dummer - n - hell', but when I was a 'chunk of a boy' my mother used to make me put on my 'choke rag and galouses' (tie and suspenders). My 'clod-hoppers' were encrusted with mud every time I had to 'carry in kindlin'. Families who had fireplaces in their homes would have 'irondogs' (andirons) on which the 'kindlin' was placed for the purpose of starting a fire. The long stone above the fireplace was called 'fire board' while the base of the fireplace was the 'hearthrocks'. To stir up the fire a 'poke stick' was used. (poker).

There are many expressions about the male that are amusing. For instance, he might be 'spittin fire' and ready to fight a 'steam sawmill' when he's 'got his dander up'. Then he's a 'splittin image of his old man' who might 'kick the bucket'. If he lives to be an old man, he can still be 'fit as a fiddle'. If he has no hair on his head, he's 'as bald as a billiard ball' and 'carries his dandruff in his pocket'. If he's a 'good sport', he's a 'cracker jack' of a fellow. If he is stingy and will not spend his money, he's 'tight as the paper on the wall'. You might say 'he's an independent cuss’ ‘who can go off half-cocked' and can 'raise cain'. You might give him advice and tell him 'don't put all your eggs in one basket'. 'If I can remember back', 'he had no more luck than a duck on a door knob'.

We use expressions using birds, animals etc., in reference. He can be as 'drunk as a I lord', 'full as a tick' when he imbibes too much in 'rheumatiz medicine'. During this time he's 'poppin his choppers like a mad groundhog' and walking 'straight as an arrow' and as 'sober as a judge'. A man can be 'bull headed', 'pig headed', a wooden head' or a 'block head', 'stubborn as a mule', 'strong as a horse', 'clumsy as an ox', 'sly as a fox', 'crooked as a dog's hindleg'. If he's hurt, he can 'bleed like a stuck hog'. He can be 'a snake in the grass' and 'be so lazy that he don't work enough to break the Sabbath'. He can be 'as sound as a dollar', 'fat as a mole', or 'poor as a church mouse'.

'He's slippery as an eel', 'crazy as a loon', 'wise as an owl', 'free as a bird' or 'happy as a lark', yet, he can 'be blind as a bat', 'chicken hearted' and a 'yellow belly'.

The female side can be just as amusing. A woman can be 'as pretty as a picture', 'sweeter-n-honey', 'weak as a kitten' or 'quick as a cat', yet be 'green with envy' when she caught her husband 'red-handed' trying to step out with a country girl whom she knew was 'green as grass'. The only reason he did not pick out a city girl was they are supposed to be 'hard as nails'.

You have heard references that 'she's no spring chicken', 'she's as old as the hills'. She might be 'as nutty as a fruit cake', 'scatterbrained', 'fatter-n-a butter ball', or 'hot as a firecracker'.

Not all women are 'old foggies'. They can be 'meek as a lamb', 'warm as toast'. When 'she's worn to a frazzle', she's 'pale as a ghost' and wants to be 'quiet as a mouse'. If her money is 'as scarce as hen's teeth' she can't buy any 'corn squeezens' to get 'higher-n-a kite', so, in this 'state of mind' she can get 'madder-n-a hornet', even though 'she's skinny as a rail'.

Kids can be as 'smart as a whip' or ‘sharp as a tack', 'good as gold', 'dumb as a door knob'. Their clothes can be thrown 'helter-skelter' in their room. Sometimes they 'mind their P's and Q's'.

A picture can be hung 'catty-wompus'. How about the expressions of 'wobly jawed', 'slick as a ribbon', 'solid as a rock', 'white as a sheet', 'bigger-n-life', 'fresh as a daisy', 'clean as a whistle', 'clear as mud', 'deader than a door nail', 'flatter than a pancake', 'close as a gnat's eyelash, 'black as a cat', 'dry as a bone', 'stick like a leech', 'busy as a bee' or 'snug as a bug in a rug'?

Now, I'll admit this is 'full of baloney' and if you're 'sick as a dog' reading this, which isn't 'worth a hill of beans', I'll 'skedaddle ‘quick as a wink’ and 'sleep like a log' while I'm 'cool as a cucumber'.